


First Feelings

by SliceofPeace



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Sun & Moon | Pokemon Sun & Moon Versions
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Ash Warms Him Up, Cave episode, Closeted Character, Cold Kiawe, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pikachu Valley, Pining, With A Hug.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-01-25 19:12:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18580825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SliceofPeace/pseuds/SliceofPeace
Summary: Set in the episode where they're lost in the cave. Also, in my mind these guys are like 13-14 instead of 10-11.Originally supposed to just be one chapter. I'm now having fun with writing these two fumbling around each other. Also covers hot spring episode, pikachu valley episode, and now getting into original scenes.Open to scene and prompt requests. No guarantees, but I'll try to fit in a couple if anyone has one they'd like to see.





	1. First Feelngs

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy! I tried to set a challenge to write a story in under 500 words. It ended up 593... so I failed but I was close!

               The cave had been growing colder the further they walked along. Kiawe’s arms were covered in raised bumps. He kept his arms loose at his sides, but Ash could see the way his muscles twitched. Kiawe was nothing if not competitive and as long as Ash wasn’t huddling into himself for warmth, then Kiawe wasn’t going to either. Ash looked forward again just as the cave was lightening. “Look! There’s the exit!”

               They ran forward, only to slam to a stop right outside. Bitter cold sliced into their skin from the wind. Snow pelted down. Ash didn’t know who moved first, but they found themselves in each other’s arms. Kiawe’s skin was cold, colder than Ash’s. His muscles were hard beneath Ash’s limbs.

               “Let’s go, come on.” Ash pulled Kiawe back into the cave. “We just need to head back. It’ll get warmer again as we get away from this entrance.”

               Kiawe was shuddering. His chest was heaving with each deep breath. Ash stepped closer. It’d be too hard to walk while hugging each other. Ash didn’t have anything on him that could help, so he just walked faster and grabbed one of Kiawe’s hands to pull him along.

               The temperature had risen some. It was still cold, for sure, but the harsh bite wasn’t present anymore. The walls weren’t glazed in sheets of ice, but glistened with water. Ash pulled Kiawe to a stop and wrapped his arms back around him. He hated being shorter. If he were larger, in height or muscle, he’d be able to provide more warmth. Ash jumped when Kiawe’s cold nose found a warm spot on his neck. Kiawe’s shudders increased at first as he sank into Ash’s hug, but as the embrace went on, the shudders fell to fine tremors. Kiawe’s freezing skin warmed to a tolerable level, so Ash tried to pull away. Tried, but failed when Kiawe’s arms tightened and his face burrowed in deeper to Ash’s neck.

               “You’re as warm as the training fields around Wela Volcano.”

               Ash chuckled at the comparison and allowed the hug to continue for awhile longer, even as he ignored the way his heart skipped a beat when Kiawe’s lips brushed along his neck. They heard echoes of footsteps, too heavy to be human, and Kiawe pulled away. His brows were pulled together and he cocked his head to the side to listen.

               “Tor..?” Kiawe’s voice was whisper quiet. Ash could barely hear the words. Then Kiawe brightened up. “Tortunator!”

               Kiawe’s fingers laced together with Ash’s. Ash smiled and tried to keep up with Kiawe as Kiawe followed the sound. They turned the corner to see Lana approaching with their friends and Kiawe’s fingers slid free of Ash’s.

               Ash felt the phantom heat of Kiawe’s hand the rest of their time in the cave and that night, when he lay down to sleep, he clenched his hand and tried to place what that feeling in his chest was. He curled onto his side and sought peace while he worried about what his mom would say if he told her what he thought was going on. If he told her that he wasn’t interested in finding a girlfriend, ever, and that someone like Kiawe was who caught his attention.

               He’d already lost his father, and he’d never even had a chance to meet him. Ash didn’t think he’d be able to handle losing his mother as well. His mind made up, Ash pushed those feelings aside. He buried them deep, locked them tight, then finally drifted off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiawe comes to terms with his own feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't like leaving it on a sad-ish note, so I quickly wrote something with a bit more of a hopefully ending. Let me know what you think!

               It wasn’t their first sleepover. Ash had spent the day helping out before. They had sweated together and groomed the pokemon together, but it was different then. Kiawe hadn’t known Ash as well as he did now. He hadn’t known how Ash could make his chest feel tight just by smiling at him. Before the cave and the hug and hand holding and all the things Kiawe shouldn’t be thinking.

               It wasn’t right. It wasn’t done. He knew, of course, some people _were_ , but he wasn’t. It wasn’t the same as with Mallow and Lana. The smiles they would trade. The way their cheeks would turn pink. Kiawe and Ash didn’t do that. They smile at each other, and laughed, but Ash never blushed.

               Sometimes, rarely, Kiawe would catch Ash watching him with a look that made Kiawe think _maybe._ But, then Ash would challenge him to a battle, or talk about his training, or… well. Anything that had to do with pokemon really.

               The looks Kiawe could ignore. It was the touches. The way Ash’s arm would linger around his shoulder. His hand would linger where Ash tapped on him. The way each touch was drawn out, as though Ash wanted to touch more, wanted to hold hands more.

               And now… Now he and Ash would be sharing a room at the resort. Kiawe sighed, he never wore a shirt so this wasn’t uncomfortable for him… It was the fact that Ash wouldn’t be wearing a shirt that was making him nervous.

               Not like he hadn’t seen him shirtless before… It was just, that happened _before._ Before the cave and the explosion of feelings he was still trying to fully figure out. Unable to dawdle any longer, he stepped out of the dressing room. The group was waiting with big smiles and Ash hurried them along. The other four talked amongst themselves, but Kiawe saw the longing gaze Ash had when he glanced over his shoulder at them all.

               Kiawe held it together when Ash jumped into the hot spring. He wanted to run in after him, tackle him down, feel how warm Ash’s skin would be now. He didn’t. Charizard and he took their time sinking into the overheated water. Kiawe purposely did not look at Ash’s skin glistening and red from the heat, but even see it in his peripherals made him shift and cross his legs under the water. It was with relief that he and Charizard stayed behind while the rest ran off.

               By the end of the day, he purposely welcomed Flygon to sit between him and Ash. He couldn’t handle another close encounter under the water. Charizard saved him again, when he decided to stay longer as the rest disappeared. Ash hesitated, his steps paused behind Kiawe.

               “Actually I’m gonna soak a bit longer too. I’ll see you guys in the morning!”

               The groups chorused good nights. Ash sank into the water next to him. They didn’t touch, but the water danced along his skin in a silent bid for Kiawe to reach out. “Why’d you stay behind?”

               Ash shrugged. “I thought you might like some company.”

               Kiawe jumped when Ash relaxed back and his leg brushed against his own. “Y-yeah.” Kiawe cleared his throat. To his horror, he felt his cheeks warming from more than the hot water. In a sudden surge of courage, Kiawe shifted just enough so he was sitting thigh-to-thigh with Ash. He held his breath as he glanced over, and happiness bloomed through him when he saw Ash’s cheeks pinker than they’d been before.

               “It’s, uh, warm in here.” Ash coughed and shifted so his thigh was pushing back into Kiawe’s.

               “Yeah. It is.”

               Kiawe was done pretending. He didn’t want to fight what he was feeling. He dropped his hand to the side and laced his fingers with Ash’s, the same way he did in that cave just a couple weeks ago. Ash stiffened beside him, but his fingers closed tight around Kiawe’s. He was done fighting, but he wouldn’t push Ash anymore than this. This was enough for him, for now. They could talk about it later. They could figure things out together, when they were both ready.


	3. PIkachu Valley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I managed a chapter at under 500 words! But now I'm into what I'm writing so I have one more chapter planned!

               He was immensely embarrassed. ‘Pika-pikawe.’ So ridiculous. But it was impossible to disappoint Mimo when she asked him to do something with that expression. He ignored the burning in his skin and tried to play with the group of Pikachu. The day was fun, even with Mimo talking too much about things she shouldn’t know about.

               He and Ash hadn’t talked about the time in the hot spring. He’d kind of thought this outing would’ve been a good chance to talk, or at least to get another moment like the one before. When Mimo heard where they were going, though, she looked at him with those tear filled eyes and asked to go with. Ash, thankfully, didn’t even blink at the addition. He greeted Mimo just as happily as he greeted Kiawe.

               It was as the sun was setting and Ash was standing a little closer and Kiawe’s fingers itched to reach out and fit together with the boy next to him that he realized he wasn’t ok with this anymore. He didn’t want keep things to stolen moments where they avoided eye contact and timid touches. He wanted to be able to hold Ash’s hand in front of everyone and have dinner together at each other’s houses and maybe even…

               His cheeks heated as he pictured kissing Ash. His body, one he used with pride, with muscles built from his lifetime of farm work, one he was usually more than comfortable in, felt too large for him. He reached out. He let his hand find Ash’s and their fingers melded together. Ash stiffened next to him again.

               “Ash.”

               Ash tensed farther at his voice. Kiawe froze. If he had the sudden feeling of approaching a skittish mudbray. If he pushed too fast, Ash, like the mudbray, would pull away and run… Or kick him in the face.

               “Just, it’s a pretty sunset. We should come back here again.”

               “Oh.” Ash’s shoulder’s relaxed. “Yes. Yeah, I think Pikachu will want to see his new friends again.”

               Kiawe took a chance and squeezed Ash’s hand. Ash’s breath seemed to catch, then Kiawe felt the return of pressure.

               “It’d be nice to go back to the spa again too. Charizard wants another turn relaxing in the hot spring… and I can’t stop thinking about that sunset.”

               Ash had a small smile playing on his lips. “It was a pretty good one.”

               “I’ll take Mimo home, and do you want to go get a malasada with me?”

               Ash turned that blinding smile to him and Kiawe’s heart stopped. The beauty of the sunset had nothing on the way Ash looked, gilded golden with the failing light. Kiawe took solace in the fact that Ash still wanted to hang out one -on-one, even if he clearly wasn’t yet ready to talk about what they were doing.


	4. Gary Arrives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gary arrives on the island!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having a lot of fun writing this, so even though it was just supposed to be a single chapter, be prepared for me to keep expanding this. Let me know if you have any tropes you'd like to see in this and I'll try to fit it in!

               Lycanroc was exhausted. Rowlet fell asleep an hour ago and wouldn’t get back up. Pikachu and Torracat were still going at it. Ash refused to quit until his pokemon decided they were done. Kukui was on the front porch. He’d long ago fallen asleep waiting for Ash to finish his training.

               Ash couldn’t stop yet, though. Gary was coming to stay with Principal Oak for a week and he’d promised Ash a battle. It’s been so long since they’d battled, Ash didn’t want to underestimate Gary. Gary might be a Pokemon researcher now, but if he was anything at all like the Gary Ash knows, then he’ll have kept his battle skills in top condition.

               They didn’t stop until the sun was peeking over the ocean, painting the sky with pinks and purples and turning the ocean a brilliant gold. The three of them took a break, dropped into the sand to watch the sky lighten. Pikachu curled up next to him and yawned. Ash fell back in time to see Kiawe and Charizard fly overhead. Kiawe lifted a hand in greeting. Ash waved back and watched them disappear on morning deliveries.

               Next thing he knew, the sun was over head and his skin felt like it was on fire. “Good morning, Ash. Gary’s boat will be getting in any minute.” Kukui’s shadow fell over him. “Didn’t you want to meet him at the station?”

               Ash popped to his feet and snatched his hat from where it fell on Pikachu. “Thanks Kukui! Come on guys!” There was a disinterested ruffle from his sleeping Pokemon. Pikachu stretched and hopped onto Ash’s shoulder. Ash laughed. “Just us, buddy? All right! Be good guys, I’ll be back soon!”

               The boat was just unloading when Ash got there. He waited until everyone was off, but there was no Gary Oak. They started boarding the boat and Ash gave up. He walked home with his shoulders down and head ducked. He stumbled on his way down to the beach, then heard a familiar voice yell out, “Blastoise, use Hydro Pump!”

               Joy coursed through him. He turned, just in time to catch a face full of Hydro Pump. The power of the blast shot him all the way across the beach and dropped him into the ocean. Alomomola swarmed around him and Pikachu. Ash grinned at them in greeting then swam to where the light danced on the surface of the water. He and Pikachu burst through at the same time and called out to Gary who waited on the coast.

               “Come on! You shot us out here, at least help us get back!” Ash yelled. Gary said something back, but Ash was too far away to hear what it was. Blastoise hopped in the water and swam out to them. It rose up beneath them so they were on his back and rocketed back to shore. “Gary!”

               Ash stumbled and fell, but popped up and ran to throw his arms around Gary. His pokemon watched with their heads cocked. Gary laughed and hugged him back. “It’s been too long.”

               “It has. Blastoise has gotten even faster than before. How’s Umbreon? Arcanine? Did you bring them?”

               “Of course.” He let them out. Arcanine shook and fluffed his fur out. Umbreon stretched and greeted Pikachu.

               Ash greeted them both and turned back to Gary. “I went to meet you at the dock, but you must’ve slipped past me.”

               “Nah, I came the last bit on Blastoise’s back. He loves the ocean, it didn’t feel right to leave him cooped up when we could be journeying together.” A shadow fell over them. Gary looked up and smiled. “You brought Charizard here?”

               Ash glanced up as well. “No, that’s Kiawe, come on! I’ll introduce you.”

               Kiawe landed just feet away. Ash hesitated at the anger evident in Kiawe’s burning eyes, but took solace in the fact that they were aimed at Gary and not him. “Are you ok, Ash? I saw that attack from overhead but was too far away to help.”

               Oh, that makes sense then. “It’s all right, Kiawe. This is Gary Oak, Principal Oak’s, uh, grand cousin?”

               “There’s no such thing as a ‘grand cousin’ Ash. I’m his cousin, twice removed.” Gary stretched a hand out towards Kiawe. Kiawe stared at it but made no move to return the gesture. “And I’m Ash’s former rival turned Pokemon researcher.” Gary dropped his hand when Kiawe shifted his weight back to lean on Charizard.

               “You’re just in time to see our reunion battle!” Ash tried to break the tension. It didn’t work. If anything, Kiawe’s face got tighter in anger. His eyes clashed against Ash’s and Ash thought he saw a flicker of… Disappointment maybe? “Unless you have more deliveries to run? We could wait for you?”

               Ash saw Gary turn towards him from the corner of his eye, but stayed focused on Kiawe. Kiawe shrugged. “I’m done with my deliveries.”

               “Great!” Ash turned to Gary. He worried about Kiawe’s reaction, but he couldn’t let it bother him when he had a battle to win. He shoved Kiawe’s weirdness to the back of his mind and led the way to beach. “Let’s go! 3 on 3? I’ve got Pikachu, Torracat, and Lycanroc ready to go!”

               Gary took his position. His pokemon behind him. Ash focused on him. Well. He tried to. Kiawe and Charizard’s tense bodies on the sidelines kept pulling his attention from Gary and the imminent battle. Ash took a deep breath, released it, and called Torracat to batte.


	5. Chapter 5

               Kiawe knew that look on Ash’s face. Determined refusal to lose. Countless times, that fire, as strong as the great Wela volcano, has shone in Ash’s eyes, but never before had he seen it shine this bright.

               It had started off rough. Ash’s Torracat fell to Blastoise. Ash had made a stupid blunder, he took his eyes off the battle to look at Kiawe. Kiawe froze when he’d done it and Blastoise had managed to land a hydro pump. Then, because Ash was Ash, he called out Lycanroc against Blastoise instead of Pikachu.

               And because Ash was Ash, he managed to defeat Blastoise and Arcanine both with Lycanroc. Now it was Pikachu against Umbreon and Ash’s concentration hadn’t wavered from the battle in front of him. Charizard made a grumbling noise and nudged at him with his snout. Kiawe rested a hand on the leathery skin of Charizard’s head.

               Ash won. Of course he did. Pikachu was incredibly powerful and the z-ring only made him stronger, but still. Gary was obviously just as strong as Ash. Kiawe had no doubt that he would lose if he were to challenge Gary himself.

               Ash and Pikachu were laughing and spinning in the sand. Gary was watching them with a fond smile. Kiawe felt sick to his stomach. They had a bond he could never hope to share with Ash. They had history and their skill levels were so similar… Kiawe hopped on Charizard. “Let’s go home, bud.”

               “Kiawe! Hey, wait!”

               Kiawe’s hands tightened on Charizard’s harness. He turned towards Ash and tried to mask the knot in his throat with a large smile. “Good match! Congratulations on the win, but Charizard and I should get back.”

               “Oh.” His chest constricted at the downcast look on Ash’s face. “I was hoping you’d come with us to get malasadas. Or maybe to go see Principal Oak.”

               “I…” He looked over at Gary who was watching them both with a speculative look on his face. “No. I need to get back, but maybe next time.” He lifted a hand in farewell and flew off on Charizard.

               There was always something to do on the farm and Kiawe had never been more grateful of that fact than right now. He worked until his muscles were sore and the sun was setting and his mind was too tired to think of Ash. Twilight was a peaceful time after the herds had been put up for the night. The stars were beginning to twinkle in the colorful sky. Kiawe smelled of earth and sweat and felt more at peace than he had since he flew over Ash that very morning.

               Turtonator was asleep, but allowing Kiawe to rest against him as he gazed out over the farm. It was silent and comforting and Kiawe couldn’t help but remember that last time he was up here this late at night. Ash was still so new to the place, and now Kiawe couldn’t imagine life without him. Though the way Ash looked at Gary… He would have to live life without him. There was no competing with that.

               He fell back to stare up at the stars again. Ash’s sunburnt face danced in his vision. Kiawe sighed and reached a hand out to rest on Turtonator’s shell. It was a small island community. The chance of Kiawe ever finding another person like Ash was slim. Next to none. Not to mention that Ash would be leaving eventually. All Ash could talk about was becoming a Pokemon master, and Kiawe couldn’t hold him back from that dream.

               Melancholic thoughts plagued him until Turtonator woke up and insisted on them moving inside. “All right, let’s go then.”

               He followed behind Turtonator. Marowak was napping on the front porch last Kiawe had seen. As they rounded the building, he reached for his pokeball, but stopped at the sight. Ash sat on the front steps. He leaned against Marowak with his eyes shut and his breathing deep. Marowak was awake and looked overly concerned over Ash’s sleeping spot. Pikachu was curled up on the porch swing.

               Kiawe hesitated. He could wake Ash up, he _should_ wake Ash up, but he wasn’t prepared to talk with him… He didn’t know what to say. What to do. And then it was out of his hands. Marowak had given up on keep Ash upright. Ash fell with a snort and a thump then jumped up.

               “Kiawe! Hey, I uh,” Ash’s smile fell and his words failed.

               “Did you want to stay tonight? It’s too late to head back to the professor’s.” Kiawe blinked as Ash’s cheeks darkened. Kiawe felt his own face warm in response. “I mean, I can make up a guest bed…” Kiawe took a steadying breath. “Or we could share mine?”

               Ash’s eyes darted up. They were wide and unsure. His cheeks darkened even more. “Yeah, we can share.” His voice was quiet and hesitant. “If you want too.”

               “Yeah. I do. If you want too.”

               “I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to do the 'bed sharing' bit this chapter, but I'm putting it off until next. Enjoy :)


End file.
